Baby Talk
by V. Tsai
Summary: Shinichi knows that his best friend, Kuroba Kaito, is hiding something, and he's almost certain he knows what that something is. But in order to proof his theory, Shinichi takes some drastic measures. Was intended as friendship fic, but take as you will. **note: not actually funny**


"Shin~ichi, I'm bor~ed!" Kuroba Kaito yelled loudly as he skipped into the Kudou library.

Kudou Shinichi, without raising his gaze from his Holmes book, flapped a hand dismissively at his messy-haired doppelganger. "So?"

Kaito pouted. "Shinichi."

Sighing, Shinichi lifted his head to see Kaito glaring at him, hands on hips. "What do you _want _me to do?"

"Entertain me."

"Excuse me, but detectives don't really _entertain. _That's technically the job of the magician," Shinichi said, returning his focus to his book and flipping to the next page. "Entertain yourself."

"You kidding me? That's like asking Hakuba to masquerade as Kaitou KID!"

"I'm sure that Hakuba-san is perfectly capable of pulling off one of your heists," returned Shinichi mildly, his gaze slipping almost unnoticeably off of his book towards Kaito's general direction.

"Okay, Shinichi, when I asked you to 'entertain' me, I didn't want to hear your theories and deductions about how and why I'm the great Kaitou KID-sama," Kaito snapped, his glare intensifying.

Shinichi's eyes narrowed. Since Kudou Shinichi's return nearly four months ago, he had been accumulating evidence to support his theory that his best friend was the illustrious Kaitou KID. And his proof was becoming quite convincing.

He had never seen Kaitou KID and Kuroba Kaito in the same room. Plus, while Shinichi had still been Conan, he had used the magnifying function on his glasses to zoom in on KID's face. There was no denying it – both KID and Kaito had the same eye color and hair color. KID's physique was also notably similar to Kaito's.

Not to mention the chances of there being _three _Kudou Shinichi lookalikes was extremely low.

_Well, I guess it's time to resort to this, _thought Shinichi.

"What time is it?" Shinichi asked abruptly, closing his book.

Perplexed, Kaito pulled out his phone and flipped it open, reading off the time. "9:03 a.m."

"And the date?"

"Tuesday, July 10. What's so important –"

"Great, I'm late," huffed Shinichi, discarding his book to a nearby coffee table. "Kaito, you still bored?"

"Uh – yeah," said Kaito, slightly caught off guard.

"You can come with me then," Shinichi tossed over his shoulder as he headed towards the front entry of the Kudou residence.

"Er – okay," Kaito agreed, following uneasily.

"Where are we going?" he queried as he slid into the passenger seat of Shinichi's car.

Looking at Shinichi, Kaito was shocked to find that the detective was blushing slightly as he muttered something lowly.

"Hmm?" Kaito beamed, sensing the answer was going to be amusing.

"Te-Teitan Daycare Center," Shinichi repeated, barely audibly.

Kaito sat back, receiving his third shock of the day. "_Teitan_ _Daycare Center_?" He stifled a laugh.

"Shut _up_, Kaito!" Shinichi snarled. "It's just – just –"

"_Wow, _Shinichi, I never knew you were so _fatherly_," snickered Kaito, smothering a grin.

"Seriously, _shut up_!" Shinichi yelled, swerving around a corner and earning a honk from a passing car. He forced himself to calm down. _I pray to God that this plan works. Otherwise, this is going to be a complete embarrassment._

Shinichi glanced over at Kaito.

_ Scratch that._

_ This _is _a complete embarrassment._

"The reason," Shinichi started, clearing his throat, "that I work at a daycare every Tuesday is because one of my old clients works there. She wanted me to find out if one of the kids' parents was abusive. But then one of the assistants was murdered, and I caught to murderer... Anyway, since my client couldn't find a replacement, I had to – I had to sub for a few weeks. She's gotten a new assistant since then, but I still go once a week because it's... it's... a lot of fun."

"Whatever you say, _tou-chan_."

"SHUT UP, KAITO!" There was a loud smack as Shinichi slapped Kaito on the arm.

"Ow! What was _that _for?"

"You know exactly what that was for!"

The magician stuck out his lip. "No, tou-chan, I weally don't. Pweese expwain to wittle Kai-chan."

_Slap!_

"_Ow_!"

* * *

Kaito stared.

Flat-out _stared. _Him, the guy with the poker face. The one who always kept his cool. The one whom nothing could faze.

But seriously. It was _really, really _weird.

He watched as his best friend, Kudou Shinichi, the Heisei Holmes, punisher of all evil, one who mercilessly clapped criminals in chains, hold a small girl, cooing, "Rei-chan, how are you doing? Good? Good!"

Kaito's jaw dropped as Shinichi began to _tickle _the little girl, who started laughing immediately and clung to Shinichi's neck, giggling, "Shin-niichan, stop it!"

"Weird, isn't it," Shinichi's ex-client, a young woman named Yamamoto Arisa, commented from her spot at Kaito's left where she was bobbing a small boy. "I remember he was all vicious when he was screaming something about there being only one truth and saying who the murderer during my case, but really, when he's with Reika or any of the other children, he turns to mush."

"Really," Kaito murmured absently, watching as Shinichi partook in a game of tag, chasing after Reika and a few other toddlers.

From behind the two, a hushed call split the air. "Yamamoto-chan? Yamamoto-chan?" A harried looking woman was standing by the drop-off space, carrying a sleeping girl.

"Oh, Natsuki-san!" Arisa set down the boy in her arms, patted him on the head, and hurried over.

"I finally got her to calm down," Natsuki whispered. "She's been in the worst of moods – won't stop crying." She smiled exhaustedly at her daughter. "Yumi, be a good girl," she murmured sweetly.

"Got it," Arisa whispered back, carefully taking the girl. She rocked her gently, then looked back up to her mother. "You'll pick up Yumi-chan at four this afternoon, correct?"

"Yes. See you later, Yamamoto-chan," Natsuki nodded and hurried out of the room.

A plaintive cry suddenly began shrilling from Kaito's right. Arisa glanced over as her assistant attempted to calm the crying child and failed. "Oh, it's Hiroshi." She stared at Yumi, then glanced at the unmoving Kaito.

"Here, Kaito-san, take Yumi-chan. Just don't wake her up." And without another word, Arisa shoved the sleeping girl into Kaito's arms and ran off to console Hiroshi.

Feeling extremely apprehensive, Kaito gazed wide-eyed at Yumi. He looked back up to find that Shinichi was now building a castle out of cardboard blocks with Reika and the boy Arisa had been holding. And _laughing._

_ That is... completely insane, _Kaito thought, absently rocking Yumi.

Maybe he rocked her a _little _too hard, because the next thing he knew, Yumi had woken up, found herself in the arms of a stranger, and immediately began bawling her eyes out.

Loud shrieks of crying echoed through the large room, attracting the attention of Arisa and her assistant.

"I got this," Kaito called over the din, feeling his composure starting to slip.

"Shut up, shut up, _shut up_," he hissed at the squirming girl, who began to cry even louder.

"Mama! Mama! _Mama_!" Yumi shrieked.

"Shh, Yu –"

"_MAMA! MAMA!_"

"Mama?" Suddenly inspired, Kaito thought back desperately as he tried to hold onto the flailing pile of limbs known to some as Yumi.

Scanning the room quickly, he made sure that nobody – especially Shinichi or Arisa – were watching. Arisa was back to coaxing Hiroshi into submission, and Shinichi was now giving Reika and the other boy rides on his back.

_Okay then. Here goes nothing. _

"Y-Yumi," Kaito croaked, his voice halfway changed to match Natsuki's harassed tones. He cleared his throat and pitched his voice slightly higher. "Yumi," Kaito repeated.

Yumi slowly stopped kicking, her screwed-up eyes starting to relax at the sound of her mother's voice. She peered bewilderedly at Kaito and frowned slightly.

"Yumi. Yumi-chan, calm down," he hushed, his voice still a dead-on match for Natsuki's.

He smiled, relieved, as Yumi relaxed, grabbing onto Kaito's shirt as she fell back asleep.

"Well, well, well." Shinichi's haughty voice sounded from in front of Kaito. "Isn't _this _interesting."

Shocked, Kaito raised his gaze from Yumi to find Shinichi grinning broadly. "Work out of this one, Kaitou KID-chan." He held up his cell phone and tapped part of the screen.

"_Mama?" _Kaito's tinny, recorded voice said. "_Y-Yumi. Yumi. Yumi. Yumi-chan, calm down,_" Natsuki's voice said a second later. The recording didn't leave much to the imagination, not to mention during the first "Y-Yumi," Kaito's voice was partially distinguishable amongst the high female notes.

"But – but –" stuttered Kaito before he realized he was still talking in Natsuki's voice. He cleared his throat as he lay down Yumi on the carpet. "_How_?"

"You know those times I slapped you in the car?" Shinichi smiled, an easy smile of triumph.

"Uh, yeah." Unconsciously remembering the pain, Kaito rubbed his arm...

...and gasped as his fingers came in contact with a rough edge of plastic. Kaito looked over and tore off a small plastic sticker. A tiny, crimson-painted microphone, barely noticeable against his red shirt, had been secured to his shoulder.

Kaito looked up, his expression a mixture of confusion and horror as his eyes clapped upon Shinichi's face.

"So, Kaitou KID-chan... care to explain?" Shinichi beamed.

Peering over Shinichi's shoulder as a hopeful attempt to avoid confrontation, Kaito found that Reika and the other boy, along with a cluster of other children, were glaring in Shinichi's direction. Kaito distinctly heard one of them say, "Shin-niichan better come back – who else will we play with?" Reika nodded rapidly.

Surrounded by a sea of children, building blocks, and hiragana/katakana-patterned rug and inspired by Shinichi's "little friends," Kaito grinned a noticeably KID smirk.

"I'd love too... tou-chan."

* * *

A/N: Yay, my first fan fiction done! I got this idea when I was helping out in children's ministry at church last Sunday.

...Reading back on this, Kaito is pretty OOC. I doubt he'd resort to using his voice magic if there was only a screaming kid. Or that he wouldn't notice Shinichi putting a microphone on him. Meh.

I used minimal Japanese phrases in here, but if you haven't watched enough anime in order to know this, "tou-chan" is basically a shortened version of "otou-san," which translates as a very endearing "daddy." I _think. _Not 100% sure.

Hope you liked this short and not extremely amusing one-shot. Thanks for reading~!


End file.
